I recently started a ballet class in my neighbourhood for adults. I used to dance ballet as a child and have always enjoyed looking at dance performances, so was excited when I saw a class being advertised in the area. I messaged the instructor immediately to enquire if the classes were very active like a workout. After asking me a few questions about my current workout regime she then responded “no, probably you won’t find it very active, but if you fancy dancing some ballet on a Saturday morning, I’m sure you’d have fun.” I couldn’t help but smile at her sincerity and signed up for the full 8-week term immediately.
I’m so glad that I made that decision because it really has been a lot of fun. Those of you who know me personally, will know that I’ve always been all about that hardcore workout life subscribing loyally to spin classes, heavy(ish) weights, half marathons etc. And I’m still pretty hardcore when it comes to consistency, which I believe trumps intensity any day, and workout an average of 5 or 6 times a week. I do love a good run and I firmly believe in the power of kettlebell circuits and tabata workouts.
However, since becoming a mum, quitting my 9 to 6 central London job, and living through a pandemic, I find myself craving some peace and quiet in my life. I therefore decided to join the Saturday ballet classes, and also grudgingly introduced some yoga youtube workouts into my weekly regime, hoping to calm my anxieties and maybe gain a bit of flexibility along the way.
8 weeks on and my heels still can’t touch the ground in downward dog. I still sigh in exasperation when the youtube instructor takes too long breathing and doing countless cat cow poses before actually starting the flow. I’m not sure I’ve clicked in with my third eye chakra or even fully understand what it means, and I’ve been examining the hundreds of pigeons in the local park every day on my walks with Alba, and I’m yet to see them do anything that remotely resembles a pigeon pose.
At every ballet class while I struggle to remember the routine from the previous week, I tell myself that I will practice my routine and foot work for at least 15 mins every day so I can actually see improvements and results. Then, in the blink of an eye, Friday morning comes along and the email reminder for class the next day pings on my phone, and I realise that I have not even thought about ballet once since the last class in the mayhem of mothering and freelancing all week.
Every Saturday morning when I kiss Alba bye bye to go to class and she screams “mummmmmy”, I have a mild moment of panic and regret and think that maybe I should just stay home with her because it’s not like if I’m ever going to be a professional dancer, or perform on a stage, or gain any real fitness benefits from it so what’s the point anyway?
Then I go, and I put on my ballet shoes, move my arms like a swan, listen to the relaxing music as I do the barre and toe pointing exercises and end with our little dance routine. I laugh, I chat, and I feel surprisingly light for that hour without Alba in my arms or on my lap or grabbing at my legs commanding me “up!”
In my yoga practices, I try my best to quiet my racing mind, to not berate myself for having tight hamstrings…Hasani helps with this as he does it with me sometimes and his grunts and groans remind me that I’m not the only one with tight hamstrings. But what has helped me the most in yoga, is realising that it is not really about the physical gains but more about connecting my mind with my body, as cliché as it sounds even to my ears re-reading this before I post, and checking in with myself for those quiet moments during the otherwise chaotic week (quiet mentally because there’s usually the sound of cocomelon or peppa pig in the background while we practice).
Yoga and ballet have helped me to introduce some quiet time into my life when I’m not doing a task or ticking something off my mental checklist. I may not be getting much physical benefits from either, though I still have hopes of one day getting my heels to touch the ground in downward dog, but I’m pushing myself out of my comfort zone a few times a week, learning new things which is so liberating as an adult when you can just learn for the fun of it, and most importantly I’m having what any mother longs for…moments of peace and quiet in the craziness of it all.