During a chat about my birth plan, I remember telling my midwife that my worst nightmare was needing an emergency c-section. I explained to her that when I was 12, I had an emergency surgery to remove 2 ovarian cysts, and that it had left me with a fear of surgery. Alba must have heard this and decided that she had to help mummy overcome her fears.
I had a straightforward pregnancy. Aside from morning sickness and an aversion to human scents and meat, I sailed through the months. I was lucky to be able to work out 6 days a week till the day I was admitted for induction. These workouts included 7km runs, weightlifting, and step classes. My midwives constantly marvelled at my blood pressure and praised me on my diet when my blood tests revealed perfect iron and glucose levels. I revelled in the glory for 35 weeks.
When I went in for what was supposed to be my final scan, we discovered that Alba, who had been happily nestled head down for weeks, had decided to flip into a breech position. I was immediately sent to the labour ward to discuss my options with an obstetrician. I called Hasani crying as he was outside waiting for me due to covid restrictions.
The doctor examined the scar from my previous surgery, asked me a few questions, and gave me some brochures about c-section and ECV (External cephalic version), a procedure where a doctor tries to manually flip the baby. That night I cried but vowed to myself to stay optimistic.
The days that followed can only be described as madness. I did countless pelvic tilts, I lay down with cushions under my hips and frozen peas on the top of my belly, took warm baths while meditating on Alba flipping, and crawled around the living room in a downward dog position. My madness paid off because the night before I had to go in for the ECV, I felt a huge tidal wave in my stomach and sure enough when they scanned me in the morning, to everyone’s amazement, Alba was back head down.
After that, whenever I felt my in-house gymnast getting too active, I would get up and bounce or walk to keep her from flipping again. At 2am, her most active hour, I would be at the side of the bed, in a semi squat position bouncing up and down. I should have just slept because Alba still had more surprises for me.
At 40 weeks she still wasn’t engaged. I went in for my first membrane sweep. I had not started dilating so it was extremely painful. I was instructed to go home and rest as I could go into labour that very afternoon. That never happened.
At 41 weeks I had a second membrane sweep, still no dilation and still no labour.
At 41 weeks and 4 days I was admitted for induction.
The next few days were traumatic. Due to covid restrictions Hasani was not allowed to accompany me so I was alone for all of it. I had 3 pessaries inserted over the course of 3 days. None worked. The days and nights were spent walking around the ward and bouncing on a ball counting contractions. Alba’s activity would spike every evening and they would rush in and twist me in all sorts of positions to get her to calm down. In the morning I would be examined, they would see I hadn’t dilated, they would shove another pessary in, and another day and night of walking, bouncing, and counting would begin.
On day 4 they transferred me to the labour ward very early in the morning. A doctor was sent to check me before they changed shifts. She said I was 1cm dilated and proceeded to break my waters. I remember screaming into the air and gas as she violently shoved an apparatus up in me over and over while shouting for me to relax and that I was making this difficult.
When it was over the midwife at my side was crying. She was asked to leave the room. I lay on the bed crying quietly in a puddle of liquid and I called Hasani on the phone. Soon another midwife came rushing in and set off an alarm and the room was filled with doctors. They had momentarily lost Alba’s heartbeat. They twisted and turned me and thankfully found it back, but it was racing. Eventually a very stressed Alba calmed down and they left the room.
At this point I was battered, defeated, in pain, and exhausted. I asked if a c-section was possible. The new midwife said they would hook me up to oxytocin drips and that coupled with my waters being broken would bring on labour. All I could do was trust her. Thankfully she also told me that at this point my birth partner would be allowed in.
Hasani came and the contractions brought on by the oxytocin drips started. They were very strong contractions. I asked for an epidural. I was administered one but soon I started fainting and throwing up. It then stopped working and they had to change the dosage. Then it stopped working on my left side, so I had to lie on that side.
Later that day the midwife checked me and detected meconium, Alba had pooped in me. I had read somewhere during my pregnancy that this was dangerous for the baby and hearing this gave me strength I didn’t know I still had. Alba was stressed and I had to take care of her.
I asked to speak to a doctor. The doctor told me that they would monitor me closely, but that I was having “fantastic” contractions all day and I must have dilated. However, when she checked, I had only dilated to 3 cm. At this point I told her calmly that I wanted a c-section. I said that my pregnancy had been uncomplicated, and Alba to this point had been a very healthy baby, and I didn’t want to stress her to the point where her life was at risk. The doctor immediately told the midwife to start prepping me for an emergency c-section.
Hasani and I were allowed a few moments to say a prayer and for him to call our families. I was then wheeled in with him at my side holding my hand. I had to confront my greatest fear. My only thoughts were to stay calm and that it would be over soon.
There is no pain in a c-section, but you do feel them digging around in your stomach. You are also acutely aware that you are being cut open. Because of my two prior epidurals my spinal injection took a stronger effect than it should have, and I felt as though I wasn’t breathing and couldn’t move from neck down. My anaesthetist had to keep ensuring me I was getting enough oxygen. She also fed me drops of water because my throat was dry and burning from a day of throwing up. I was very scared, I felt a heavy pressure on my chest throughout, and the surgery felt very long.
Alba came with screams. She was perfect but I didn’t expect the umbilical cord to be so long. I couldn’t move my hands to hold her to do skin to skin and I was panicking because I was still having difficulty breathing. Hasani was scared to leave my side but he eventually did the skin to skin for me, and we took some pictures with the anaesthetist holding Alba against me.
For the rest of the surgery the she chatted with me to keep me calm. She told me about her own c-sections, and how difficult recovery had been for her.
Finally, it was over. I had done it.
There is a false narrative that giving birth by c-section is less of an achievement than a vaginal birth. After a c-section some women feel that their bodies have let them down because it couldn’t do what it was made to do, give birth to a child. I am not one of those women.
My c-section experience showed me just how strong my body is. Hasani was not allowed to spend the night after my birth and from the next morning I had to get up and take care of Alba and myself till I was allowed to go home 3 days later. I lost 1.2 litres of blood because of scar tissue from my previous surgery and had to give myself daily injections for 12 days. I also had to have a follow up procedure 5 days after giving birth due to spinal headaches from my 2 epidurals. But within a few months I was back to running and swinging kettlebells. I now run an average of 25km per week, and completed a virtual half marathon in December.
My c-section story was my first lesson in mothering. As a mum you become fearless when your baby needs you. It is like the small, slender female cheetah that confronts a lion in the wild when her cubs are at risk. Motherhood is so much more than how you birth the baby. It is more about a willingness to do anything to ensure the baby is safe.