Beware: Squatters in the local park

An uninvited flock of Canada geese have taken up residence in our local park. These noisy, aggressive, and bold face intruders are causing riot and disturbing neighbours out to enjoy a spot of sunshine on their lunch hour.

Today at 1:10pm, as people were settling with their sandwiches, I witnessed one attacking a child . It took two mummies and a stroller to frighten the assailant who just lazily waddled off as if deciding his lunch hour would be better spent eating the grass.

While the crowd dispersed, one mummy told us to beware of the poop, that it apparently resembles that of a small dog, does not splatter, and causes gastroenteritis if eaten.

As I strolled past these portly squatters, I thought maybe I've judged the pigeons too harshly in the past. At least they take flight when rushed at, while these beasts turn and flap their 6ft wings readying themselves for battle.