Dear Fellow Trinis,
Tired people know they are tired. Fat people know they are fat. Thin people know they are thin. There is no need to tell them how they are looking. With borders reopening in four to six weeks and the vaccine rollout coming to come, separated families and friends will soon be able to reunite. However, those of us who live abroad know that coming home usually involves being scrutinised by every aunty, tanty, and school friend, and being told how fat or thin we got, or my most hated, how tired we look.
In Trinidad we can’t just say “hello, how are you?” We have to say, “like married life treating yuh good”, translation “you got fat since being married.” “Yuh face looking drawn”, translation “you look terrible and thin.” “But like you preparing for winter?” once again “You got fat.” “You lost too much weight, all your bottom gone.” Self-explanatory. When we see someone after a while, we need to tell them how they look. Maybe it is coming from a place of concern, but all it does is ruin the person’s day.
When I was 5 months pregnant, I posted a picture on my Instagram after a vacation home in Trinidad for Christmas. I captioned it “too many pastels?” I thought it was a cute way of announcing my pregnancy until someone commented “oh gosh girl, this is the biggest I ever see you.” More recently I posted a picture on my IG stories of myself in the park playing with my baby. A “friend” messaged, “don’t worry, I stopped taking care of myself too after I had children.” The sad part is that on that particular day I had made an extra effort and was wearing lipstick and earrings, something I don’t usually do since the pandemic.
Then, being a mum to a baby that hates sleep, there is the endless “you look tired.” Here’s a little secret, I know I am tired. When you tell me that I am looking tired you are not revealing something new to me. Instead, you’re making me feel like a fromp even if I made the effort to get up after a fitful night sleep, workout, shower, and get dressed. I don’t just look tired, I am tired, but I am also trying my best.
We have all had a rough year. People have been through redundancies, mums have been home schooling and working fulltime or have given up their careers, businesses have closed down, loved ones have died. Some people exercise their stress away, some people eat entire family packs of chocolate digestives. I do both. If when socialising starts back and borders reopen, you notice your friend has gained the quarantine fifteen, or lost weight and no longer has a bottom, our national obsession, trust me she knows. There is no need to point it out. If you have nothing positive to say, a simple “hello” is enough.
