This month I will be celebrating my first Mother’s Day and Alba’s first birthday. As I type this Alba is asleep on me on the rocking chair. I used to try to transfer her to the crib, but now I skip the hour of tears and keep her on me for naps. She sleeps longer and more peacefully like this and since I spend her naps typing or reading, it gives me more time. Sleep and Alba have always been enemies, so I embrace anything that makes it easier.
At first, I was obsessed with getting her to sleep through the night. My friends have babies that magically put themselves to sleep and stay asleep till 7am the next morning. Alba has only ever slept for five hours straight and that happened six times. I was convinced for a while that she was stuck in her four-month sleep regression. But now that we’re approaching 12 months and she’s still not sleeping through the night, I think she just loves a 2am playdate. And if she’s learnt a new trick, 2am is the optimum time for her to practice it.
She recently learned how to say “hi” and “hands”. When we rock her to sleep, she looks from Hasani to me saying “hi, hi, hi”. If either of us cracks and says “hi” back, she squeals in delight and starts wiggling to play and it’s game over. The trick is to smile at her and let her “hi” herself to sleep. At around midnight or 2am, sometimes both, she is up again practicing saying “hands, hands, hands” while waving her hands in the air.
Sometimes she flips and flops and eventually drifts back off to sleep while saying “hands” and I sigh in relief. However, other times she cries, and I get up and rock her back to sleep. Alba has eczema and “self-soothing” for her is scratching till she bleeds while crying. This leads to me crying, which then leads to Hasani having to calm us both at the same time. It’s just easier for us all if I rock her or nurse her back to sleep.
She still breastfeeds along with her solids. She hated bottles, and I hated pumping and with covid we were home most of the time anyway, so I just stuck to breastfeeding. Now we’re both breastfeeding pros, but it didn’t start off that way. In the first 6 weeks, every time Alba latched, I would feel as though needles were piercing my nipples for a few seconds. My nipples bled, and ached, and I had to use hydro pads and warm water to soothe them.
I spent nights researching breastfeeding positions and could have written a thesis on it. Eventually I settled on what Hasani and I call the slam dunk technique. It involved Alba screaming to be fed, and while her mouth was open mid scream, I would shove my boob in. I guarantee you a good, deep latch with this method.
Newborn babies also nurse every 2 to 3 hours and one nursing session with Alba used to last around 45 minutes to an hour. It was emotionally draining to be attached to her for that many hours a day. I often felt like my body was not mine anymore. I have always been fit and a healthy size, suddenly there was loose skin, aching boobs, none of my clothes fit, and Alba was always crying for more of me. Thankfully I had Hasani and mum for the first few months. As difficult as it was to hand her over for an hour in the morning to workout and shower, it probably saved me from depression.
I still hand Alba over to Hasani for 2 hours in the morning every day to workout, shower, make a healthy breakfast for us, and just be Alba free for a bit. This time alone makes me a more pleasant person to be around and helps me to reconnect with myself.
The most valuable lesson I’ve learned this year is to listen to myself. It is good to share the ups and downs of mothering, to vent with a friend, and to listen to what worked for other families; but ultimately my goal is not to win the Betty Crocker award, but to figure out what works for me and my family.
